{"id":4839,"date":"2025-12-02T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-02T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/why-do-we-sometimes-find-it-so-hard-to-accept-things\/"},"modified":"2026-06-12T14:57:09","modified_gmt":"2026-06-12T12:57:09","slug":"why-do-we-sometimes-find-it-so-hard-to-accept-things","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/en\/why-do-we-sometimes-find-it-so-hard-to-accept-things\/","title":{"rendered":"Why do we sometimes find it so hard to accept things?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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They say there are different languages of love. You can express your love through words, touch, simply \u201cbeing there,\u201d or gifts, for example\u2026 I think I\u2019m good at all of them, but giving gifts is what really makes me happy. Looking for something that truly suits someone else. Or surprising someone with an unexpected little something\u2014I just love it! <\/p>

RECEIVED<\/h5>

For a long time, I found it much harder to accept things. Whether it was comfort, encouragement, genuine interest, or a gift\u2026 I found it quite difficult to accept them wholeheartedly. Especially when I couldn\u2019t give anything in return, or when the other person didn\u2019t want me to, because they wanted to give me something. <\/p>

Maybe you can relate. You\u2019d rather be the giver<\/em> than the receiver. Why <\/em>is receiving so often so difficult? I suspect it\u2019s exacerbated by a number of factors. <\/p>

DEBT<\/h5>

We like to keep the score even, or to have the other person owe<\/strong> us just a little more than we owe<\/strong> them. That puts us in a position of power, even if it\u2019s only a tiny bit. We\u2019re just a bit more generous, quicker, friendlier\u2026 and the other person is (just a little bit) in our debt. That helps us feel less fear<\/strong> of abandonment or rejection<\/strong><\/a>. After all, we\u2019re showing that we care about the relationship and truly see the other person. That gives us a sense of security and makes us feel good about ourselves, too! <\/p>

ON AND GO<\/h5>

And perhaps something else plays an even bigger role: our sympathetic nervous system<\/strong>. This is our \u201cfight-or-flight\u201d nervous system<\/a>. When we\u2019ve experienced trauma or pain\u2014or when we\u2019re feeling stressed and overwhelmed\u2014this part of the autonomic nervous system is often firing on all cylinders. It ensures that we spring into action and move forward. And as useful as this is, it also triggers a \u201cgive\u201d<\/strong> response in our bodies. And if we want to receive <\/strong>, that doesn\u2019t really help <\/strong>us. <\/p>

LIFE-THREATENING<\/h5>

When we receive<\/strong>, we open our arms and hands, our chest moves slightly forward, and we lean back slightly. For this to happen, our autonomic nervous system must switch from the sympathetic nervous system<\/strong> to the parasympathetic nervous system<\/strong>, our \u201crest and recovery\u201d nervous system. It is this nervous system that enables us to receive<\/strong>. <\/p>

But\u2026 if we\u2019ve faced life-threatening situations in the past (and as babies, we often do), this part of our body doesn\u2019t want to receive anything at all, because that could cost you your life. Our parasympathetic nervous system is, in fact, also the highway for rapidly transmitting life-threatening danger<\/strong> to our brains. And if we carry the memory of life-threatening danger within us, it\u2019s not a relaxed state to be in. Then we have to protect ourselves, adopting not an open posture, but a hunched-over posture, protecting our abdomen so that we embrace our vital organs and provide them with optimal care. <\/p>

RECEIVE = RELAX<\/h5>

So, in order to receive, we need to be able to relax. Not just \u201cswitch on,\u201d but actively be open to what is being offered to us. To learn this, it\u2019s essential to recognize the trauma or danger responses in your body. From there, you can\u2014together with a good coach or (body-oriented) therapist\u2014step by step make yourself safe, allowing you to receive in a relaxed state. And that makes receiving gifts a lot of fun, both for you and for the giver. <\/p>

3 TIPS FOR RECEIVING<\/h5>