{"id":4857,"date":"2025-09-30T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-09-30T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/why-do-we-have-coping-mechanisms\/"},"modified":"2026-06-12T14:57:39","modified_gmt":"2026-06-12T12:57:39","slug":"why-do-we-have-coping-mechanisms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/en\/why-do-we-have-coping-mechanisms\/","title":{"rendered":"Why do we have coping mechanisms?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"4857\" class=\"elementor elementor-4857 elementor-3023\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bddb4a3 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"bddb4a3\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2afbd872 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2afbd872\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>\u201cNo one needs to tell me what I can and can\u2019t do, and anyone who tries will hear it from me.\u201d \u201cI really can\u2019t stand arguments\u2014I just walk away.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m a real <em>people-pleaser<\/em>; I like to make others happy.\u201d \u201cWhen someone is unkind, I freeze up.\u201d   <\/p>\n<h2>What is the significance of your coping mechanism?<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">&#8220;A survival mechanism is a response you use unconsciously and impulsively when faced with danger, in order to ensure your safety as quickly as possible.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>We all have <strong>coping mechanisms<\/strong>. Thank goodness! Because we need them when we\u2019re in real danger. When we get scared\u2014for example, because we\u2019re about to get into a car accident or someone is hurting us\u2014it\u2019s really important to react immediately and instinctively to that <strong>danger<\/strong>. That\u2019s what our survival mechanisms do for us.    <\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">What are our most common coping mechanisms?<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/waarom-please-ik\/\">Flattery<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/waarom-reageer-ik-soms-zo-fel\/\">Fighting<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Flights<\/li>\n<li>Freeze<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p> <\/p>\n<p>But protecting our territory (our family, our faith, or our soccer team) or ensuring our survival when it is threatened are also survival mechanisms. This is how we survive quickly, with the least energy expenditure and the best results. <\/p>\n<h3>Survival mechanism in response to stress<\/h3>\n<p>But in a society where we work or study under constant pressure and <strong>stress<\/strong> all day long, where we no longer really understand how to form healthy relationships with ourselves or others, and where we\u2019re constantly overstimulated by our screens, our system can no longer tell when there\u2019s a real danger.<\/p>\n<p>Just like acute danger, chronic <strong>background stress<\/strong> triggers the release of (nor)adrenaline and cortisol. Because of these two stress hormones, we are constantly in survival mode. <\/p>\n<p>As a result, we react more quickly and with a short fuse, we <strong>escape<\/strong> into <em>binge-watching<\/em> a series or drinking alcohol, and we numb ourselves by no longer truly connecting with ourselves or others. <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">So, on a massive scale, we\u2019re just surviving instead of actually living.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Overcoming distractions<\/h3>\n<p>To <em>be <\/em>able <em>to <\/em>live fully <em>in the present <\/em>, it is first and foremost important that we have <strong>fewer stimuli<\/strong> to process: turn off your phone regularly, avoid sugar and alcohol, and reduce stress.<\/p>\n<p>And secondly (or perhaps first?), it is essential that we <strong>process our pain<\/strong>. Because when we carry around unprocessed pain, we are constantly sending a signal to our brains: \u201cThere is danger, threat, and insecurity. Inside us. Do something.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>As a result, we <em>try to please<\/em> others, blindly obey rules and authority figures, fiercely assert our boundaries, or feel empty and lonely.<\/p>\n<h4>Safety<\/h4>\n<p>As we work to heal our old pain and fears, we gradually create a sense of safety for ourselves, allowing our nervous system and brain to be less on high alert and find balance.<\/p>\n<p>As a result, we only speak when there is genuine danger; our <strong>survival mechanisms<\/strong> kick in instinctively, and we continue to live in connection with everything within us and with those we choose to connect with. Then we are not merely surviving\u2014we are truly living. <\/p>\n<h4>Events from Discover Your Holy Grail<\/h4>\n<p>Does this article appeal to you? Be sure to check out the books by <a href=\"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/shop\/\"><strong>Discover Your Holy Grail<\/strong><\/a>. Are you curious about what we organize?  Then sign up for one of our <a href=\"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/trainingen\/\"><strong>events<\/strong><\/a>. You can also check out our <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/342lFkkN8aM69semKFBmIc?si=50ddcd58465041c4\"><strong>podcast<\/strong><\/a> for more inspiration. Episode 85 is about our coping mechanisms. <\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><em>My name is Rianne van Kuil, author of *Discover Your <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/product\/ontdek-je-heilige-graal-leesboek\/\">Holy Grail \u2013 Your Journey from Trauma to Healing<br\/><\/a><\/strong>, trauma and experiential expert, and podcast creator. I believe that complete healing from trauma is possible, and I guide people on that journey. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Photo credit: iStock<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cNo one needs to tell me what I can and can\u2019t do, and anyone who tries will hear it from me.\u201d \u201cI really can\u2019t stand arguments\u2014I just walk away.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m a real people-pleaser; I like to make others happy.\u201d \u201cWhen someone is unkind, I freeze up.\u201d What is the significance of your coping mechanism? &#8220;A [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4858,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,59,58],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4857","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-nervous-system","category-survival","category-trauma"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Why do we have coping mechanisms? - Ontdek je Heilige Graal<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all have coping mechanisms. 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