{"id":4863,"date":"2026-02-27T17:06:08","date_gmt":"2026-02-27T16:06:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/why-living-in-the-present-isnt-possible-when-dealing-with-trauma\/"},"modified":"2026-06-12T14:57:48","modified_gmt":"2026-06-12T12:57:48","slug":"why-living-in-the-present-isnt-possible-when-dealing-with-trauma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/en\/why-living-in-the-present-isnt-possible-when-dealing-with-trauma\/","title":{"rendered":"Why living in the present isn’t possible when dealing with trauma"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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My mentor, Eckhart Tolle<\/strong>, is the author of a global bestseller: *The Power of Now*. When <\/em>I read this book, a whole new world opened up to me: I realized just how much I overthink things! And how often I find myself living in the past or the future! Through Eckhart\u2019s wisdom, I was able to transform, and my soul opened up to a new world. <\/p>

Living in the past<\/h3>

At the time I was reading his book, I was at the beginning of my own healing journey. And I often found that I\u2014and I now know many others feel the same way\u2014couldn\u2019t live in the present. The pain of the past would regularly \u201cboomerang\u201d into my present, disrupting everything that had just seemed so peaceful. <\/p>

For a long time, for example, I felt like a victim of the sexual abuse I had suffered, the bullies in elementary school, or my parents, who were unable to give me a safe childhood. It seemed as though I was still a victim of all that pain and fear.<\/strong><\/p>

As a result, I perpetuated patterns in my daily life that stemmed directly from that past. After all, I had certain triggers that instantly transported me back to, for example, the abuse or neglect I had experienced. <\/p>

Trauma does not store memories properly<\/h3>

Over the past few years, I\u2019ve read a great deal of scientific research. And Bessel van der Kolk\u2019s work has really helped me understand why I just couldn\u2019t find peace in the present moment. I\u2019d like to share that wisdom with you, so that you can look at yourself with more compassion when you find yourself reflecting on your past or imagining scenarios for the future. <\/p>

A different perception of time<\/h2>

When we experience a severe trauma<\/a>, our brain doesn\u2019t process it properly. And our hippocampus doesn\u2019t accurately record when the trauma occurred. <\/p>

This means that when we experience prolonged insecurity or impact trauma, we can\u2019t fully leave it in the past, because our brain isn\u2019t able to properly place it there. That requires a clear and, above all, linear sense of time. <\/p>

Because this isn’t the case, you may still feel like a victim of something from your past, even now. As a result, your present is anything but a safe place.<\/strong> And of course, that\u2019s the last place you want to be! As a result, you find yourself thinking a lot about your past and your future, or you just go through the motions. Anything to avoid being stuck in this awful present. There\u2019s just no other way\u2026 <\/p>

Talking is healing<\/h2>

Until\u2026 you start TALKING<\/a> about your past. By putting into words what happened to us, we restore our sense of time in our brains. We learn to realize that the trauma isn\u2019t happening NOW at all, but is something from the past. This spontaneously creates more distance between the trauma and your present\u2014life as it unfolds right now. This allows you to gradually feel safe in the present moment.<\/strong><\/p>

Six tips for learning to live in the moment:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>

  1. Find a mentor, coach, or therapist with whom you feel safe enough to talk.<\/li>
  2. Try group therapy<\/a>. It will help you realize that you\u2019re not alone in your pain and in acting out of that pain. This can be incredibly empowering. <\/li>
  3. Talk to people you trust. Just make sure they\u2019re open to hearing what you have to say. That\u2019s important for both you and them. <\/li>
  4. When you talk, be as specific as you can, as long as you feel safe and can keep it within reasonable limits. The more specific you can be, the more helpful it will be for you. But keep in mind: you don’t have to share everything!<\/u><\/strong><\/li>
  5. Come to the events hosted by Discover Your Holy Grail<\/a>. We\u2019re doing everything we can to make this a safe space for you. <\/li>
  6. Take the online course: How Do I Heal from Early Childhood Trauma and Adolescent Trauma?<\/a> In this course, I\u2019ll give you plenty of tools to heal your past and live fully in the present.<\/li><\/ol>

    In December 2025, we had a podcast<\/strong><\/a> about the Power of Stillness<\/strong><\/a>. Listen to the episode about the present below. <\/p>

    Does this article appeal to you? You might also want to check out the books by Discover Your Holy Grail.<\/strong><\/a> Are you curious about what we organize? Then sign up for one of our events<\/strong><\/a>. <\/p>

    My name is Rianne van Kuil, author of<\/em> Discover Your Holy Grail \u2013 Your Hero\u2019s Journey from Trauma to Healing<\/strong><\/em>, and a trauma and healing expert. I believe that complete healing from trauma is possible, and I guide people on that journey.<\/em><\/p>

    Photo: iStock<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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