{"id":4890,"date":"2025-11-18T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-11-18T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/what-do-i-need\/"},"modified":"2026-06-12T14:58:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-12T12:58:22","slug":"what-do-i-need","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ontdekjeheiligegraal.com\/en\/what-do-i-need\/","title":{"rendered":"What do I need?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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I don’t need anything or anyone at all!<\/strong> The thing is, I really wanted to do everything on my own in life. It taught me a lot: I became very independent, ran my own business, was the main breadwinner during my marriage, and as a director, I was good at setting the tone, carrying the story, and making sure everyone on set was having a good time. <\/p>

I was doing just fine on my own. Until I wasn\u2019t. Because I couldn\u2019t set boundaries and got caught up in a toxic relationship<\/strong>, I lost my way. But: I\u2019m going to get myself out of this all on my own!<\/em> I\u2019m definitely NOT going to a therapist.<\/em> <\/p>

And I kept that up for a long time, too. Until I just couldn\u2019t take it anymore and someone said to me, \u201cRianne, this is no way to live! You can\u2019t do this on your own. You really need someone to help you get out of this.\u201d <\/p>

The stage of denial<\/h2>

Over the years of therapy that followed, I learned that I had been rejected<\/strong><\/a> and received so little emotional care<\/strong> that I really was better off doing it all on my own. That was safer<\/strong>. But it was also unhealthy in the long run. <\/p>

I had shut out my needs<\/strong> for security, connection, and emotional care. I just denied that I needed any of that\u2014if I didn\u2019t acknowledge it, then it didn\u2019t exist, right? Well, it did. <\/p>

What do I need?<\/h2>

When we deny<\/strong> our basic needs<\/strong>, they remain just as present; we simply tell ourselves they aren\u2019t. But this lack causes us pain, and we don\u2019t want to feel that pain, because it might mean we can\u2019t handle it on our own. And so we cover up the pain. <\/p>

Through distraction, avoidance, or addiction. I did that for years, too, until I sought and found help. There I learned that I simply\u2014just like everyone else\u2014HAVE needs. And all the needs we have must be acknowledged<\/strong><\/a> and, ideally, expressed in our lives. <\/p>

What is a need?<\/h2>

Okay, but what exactly are my needs? I discovered that we have different categories of basic needs<\/strong>. For example, we have: <\/p>