How do I learn to feel?

→ Do you want to feel, but don’t know how?

→ Are you feeling all sorts of things but can’t quite put them into words?

→ Are you feeling a lot of emotions but aren’t sure how to deal with them?

→ Do you sense it, but aren’t quite sure what it’s trying to tell you?

→ Do you feel like you don’t feel much right now and would like to feel more?

If you find yourself thinking, “That’s exactly me!” when reading any of these questions, there’s a good chance you’re not very good at tuning into your feelings or understanding what they’re trying to tell you.

Not being able to trust your instincts

We all have emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings originate in our limbic brain and tell us how we feel, so that we can respond in the most appropriate way possible. However… in the busy lives we lead, with all the stimuli and old pain or trauma we often carry within us unconsciously, we don’t always manage to fully understand what our feelings are trying to tell us. And we certainly don’t know what to do about it.

Emotions

Let’s start by breaking it down: what are emotions, and what are feelings?

Emotions are feelings that arise quickly and intensely and subside fairly quickly as well.

Examples of emotions include:

1. Joy
2. Anger
3. Sadness

What are feelings?

And what are feelings?

Feelings are emotional experiences that arise more gradually and often last much longer.

Examples of feelings include:

1. Loneliness
2. Missing
3. Empathy
4. Depression

When we’re thinking too much or rushing around, we often don’t pay enough attention to our feelings. It’s even harder to do so when we ’re constantly on the go and feel restless as a result. So when you do want to “check in with how you’re doing,” you’ll likely feel mostly that unpleasant restlessness. How do you get in touch with your feelings then?

3 tips for getting in touch with your feelings:

1. Take your time. You can’t really sense what’s going on inside you when you’re preoccupied with other things. Your brain can really only focus on one thing at a time. So sit down for a moment and ask yourself: what am I feeling?
2. When you feel restless, it’s not really a feeling—it’s your sympathetic nervous system telling you it really wants to do something. And it’s saying, “I don’t want to just sit here feeling this way; I want action!” If you recognize that feeling, it helps to pay attention to your breathing and your heartbeat. Can you slow them down a little? And if you can, do you still feel restless? Or do you now also feel, for example, sadness, homesickness, longing, or pain…
3. If you really want to learn how to feel well, take this short online course: How do I deal with my feelings? In just one session, you’ll learn the ins and outs of feeling, and you’ll see how easy it is for you to connect with your feelings too!

Does this article appeal to you? You might also want to check out the books by Discover Your Holy Grail. Are you curious about what we organize? Then sign up for one of our events.

My name is Rianne van Kuil, author of Discover Your Holy Grail – Your Hero’s Journey from Trauma to Healing, and a trauma and healing expert. I believe that complete healing from trauma is possible, and I guide people on that journey.

Photo: iStock