Why living in the present isn’t possible when dealing with trauma

My mentor, Eckhart Tolle, is the author of a global bestseller: *The Power of Now*. When I read this book, a whole new world opened up to me: I realized just how much I overthink things! And how often I find myself living in the past or the future! Through Eckhart’s wisdom, I was able to transform, and my soul opened up to a new world.

Living in the past

At the time I was reading his book, I was at the beginning of my own healing journey. And I often found that I—and I now know many others feel the same way—couldn’t live in the present. The pain of the past would regularly “boomerang” into my present, disrupting everything that had just seemed so peaceful.

For a long time, for example, I felt like a victim of the sexual abuse I had suffered, the bullies in elementary school, or my parents, who were unable to give me a safe childhood. It seemed as though I was still a victim of all that pain and fear.

As a result, I perpetuated patterns in my daily life that stemmed directly from that past. After all, I had certain triggers that instantly transported me back to, for example, the abuse or neglect I had experienced.

Trauma does not store memories properly

Over the past few years, I’ve read a great deal of scientific research. And Bessel van der Kolk’s work has really helped me understand why I just couldn’t find peace in the present moment. I’d like to share that wisdom with you, so that you can look at yourself with more compassion when you find yourself reflecting on your past or imagining scenarios for the future.

A different perception of time

When we experience a severe trauma, our brain doesn’t process it properly. And our hippocampus doesn’t accurately record when the trauma occurred.

This means that when we experience prolonged insecurity or impact trauma, we can’t fully leave it in the past, because our brain isn’t able to properly place it there. That requires a clear and, above all, linear sense of time.

Because this isn’t the case, you may still feel like a victim of something from your past, even now. As a result, your present is anything but a safe place. And of course, that’s the last place you want to be! As a result, you find yourself thinking a lot about your past and your future, or you just go through the motions. Anything to avoid being stuck in this awful present. There’s just no other way…

Talking is healing

Until… you start TALKING about your past. By putting into words what happened to us, we restore our sense of time in our brains. We learn to realize that the trauma isn’t happening NOW at all, but is something from the past. This spontaneously creates more distance between the trauma and your present—life as it unfolds right now. This allows you to gradually feel safe in the present moment.

Six tips for learning to live in the moment:

1. Find a mentor, coach, or therapist with whom you feel safe enough to talk.
2. Try group therapy. It will help you realize that you’re not alone in your pain and in acting out of that pain. This can be incredibly empowering.
3. Talk to people you trust. Just make sure they’re open to hearing what you have to say. That’s important for both you and them.
4. When you talk, be as specific as you can, as long as you feel safe and can keep it within reasonable limits. The more specific you can be, the more helpful it will be for you. But keep in mind: you don’t have to share everything!
5. Come to the events hosted by Discover Your Holy Grail. We’re doing everything we can to make this a safe space for you.
6. Take the online course: How Do I Heal from Early Childhood Trauma and Adolescent Trauma? In this course, I’ll give you plenty of tools to heal your past and live fully in the present.

In December 2025, we had a podcast about the Power of Stillness. Listen to the episode about the present below.

Does this article appeal to you? You might also want to check out the books by Discover Your Holy Grail. Are you curious about what we organize? Then sign up for one of our events.

My name is Rianne van Kuil, author of Discover Your Holy Grail – Your Hero’s Journey from Trauma to Healing, and a trauma and healing expert. I believe that complete healing from trauma is possible, and I guide people on that journey.

Photo: iStock