How do I live in accordance with my desires?

What is my greatest desire? To make a profound contribution to healing trauma around the world. Is that a small desire? No! It’s a huge desire, and I realize it sounds a bit grandiose. 🙂

What are desires?

“Where needs are about the here and now and are essential to our well-being, desires are the dessert after a good meal.”

It’s not necessary, but man, oh man, it’s so good! Desires are, after all, experiences, events, or life paths that are a perfect fit for us—things that make us thrive and that we’re truly willing to go out of our way for.

Living out our desires isn’t essential for a free and happy life, but it is certainly wonderful when we can live according to our desires. Yet things often go wrong with those desires. They end up coming from our survival system by accident, rather than from our Holy Grail. But how do you recognize that?

Desire or expectations?

Sometimes we attach an expectation to a desire. That’s a very specific way in which our desire has to come true. That nice woman has to meet a very detailed list of criteria on the very first date, because otherwise you might end up with a friendship, but not a romance.

The job you really want has to fit your schedule, offer a competitive salary, and provide opportunities for growth. If it’s just a nice job with too few hours and a low salary, it won’t meet your expectations —so it’s not really your dream job after all.

Or we have expectations in a relationship. Lists of demands, unspoken hopes, or wishes that your partner will intuitively understand and give you what you need—without you even having to ask! Who wouldn’t want that?

When we have expectations—specific ideas about how our desires should play out—we’re bound to be disappointed sooner or later. And so, there’s no point in doing it anymore.

That’s actually a bit of a shame, because when we embrace our desires with open arms, we often get more than we hoped for, and life regularly surprises us with wonderful experiences.

Desires that suit you

Then there are those desires that no longer fit into your life. It’s fine to want to win *The Voice*, but if you can’t sing well and aren’t willing to take singing lessons, your chances are pretty slim.

That’s why it’s especially rewarding when your desires align with who you are—with your heart, your qualities, your skills, your character, your history, and the way you want to shape your life. Desires that truly belong to you.

How can you, as a man or a woman, let your desire blossom?

A few tips for living your passion:

• Write down your wish in one sentence: My wish is…
• Write down a few steps you can take right now to get closer to your goal
• What do you still need to learn, discover, or ask others before your dream can come true? Can you do this?
• What are you willing to give up for your desire? Write that down, too. Sometimes it takes a bit of sacrifice (even if onlytemporarily) to make your desire come true.
• Let go of how and when your wish will come true, and focus on what you can do: the small goals and steps listed here.
• Enjoy the moment when you feel your dreams coming true, and let yourself be carried along by what life has to offer and teach you.

I am willing to go to great lengths to fulfill my passion. Because my passion is simply immense. I want to be part of the global movement to heal trauma—for this generation and those to come.

In the meantime, I have learned to let go of my expectations about the results time and again, so that I can welcome with open arms whatever life has to offer.

And that helps you to ground your desire in the earth time and again—and to let it go. That is what I wish for you too: to live your desire in freedom!

Does this article appeal to you? Be sure to check out the books from Discover Your Holy Grail, in which I discuss desires in detail. Are you curious about what we organize? Then sign up for one of our events. You might also want to check out our podcast for more inspiration.

My name is Rianne van Kuil, author of Discover Your Holy Grail – Your Hero’s Journey from Trauma to Healing, and a trauma and healing expert. I believe that complete healing from trauma is possible, and I guide people on that journey.

Photo: iStock-Bankxr